Sep 8 - Reflect on a specific gender expectation imposed by your culture that has been the most challenging to navigate. In 2-3 sentences, describe one clear example of this expectation and explain why it has been difficult for you. Ensure your response is concise, vivid, and focused on personal experience.

Response: One challenge I have had to face in my family regarding gender roles is the burden of being the oldest son. As the oldest son, my parents have made it clear that it is my duty to help co-parent my siblings, like driving them everywhere they need to go or babysitting when my parents are out. Along with that, I also have to balance trying to fit in with people who are my age at school, even though I feel like I'm a failure of a man because my father never taught me what it means to be "manly," since he was a pretty big nerd in high school. Even though I'm the oldest, I have no idea what it means to be a man. My only identity in this world feels like it will always be "the oldest son," so that my siblings have a chance to figure out what they want to be in life, but at the cost of my own identity and wants. I feel as if my personal wants and needs are being ignored and neglected just because I am the oldest son of the house. 

Sometimes, I feel like I would be better off as the youngest daughter. Not the youngest son, but the youngest daughter. I never asked to be the oldest son. I don't want to have to be the guinea pig kid, who is the first to do everything in our modern society. I don't want to have to go to college before all of my siblings, because I don't know what I'm doing at all. I don’t want to be the first to apply for a job with no experience or knowledge of what to expect. I don't want to have to drive my siblings everywhere. I don't want to have to be the babysitter for my siblings. I don’t want to keep getting up early in the morning to make sure everyone gets out of the house. I don't want to keep having to tell myself to "man up" or "get over it" because I'm a man who has to be there for his family and siblings. I don't want to be the oldest son. 

I want to be the youngest daughter. I want to have older brothers who will protect me from the evils of this world. I want older sisters who will teach me how to do my makeup and how to make trustworthy friends in school. I want to be able to have to privilege to grow up when I am ready to grow up. I want to be spoiled by my family. I want to be seen as the favorite by my parents and always be treated as the family's baby. I want to have knowledge and wisdom from my older siblings about going to college and applying for jobs. I want to have this burden of being the oldest son taken off me, so I can live the life I feel that I was always supposed to and wanted to live. 

But that life is not the one I'm living. No matter how much I want things to be different, no matter how much I want all this responsibility to be taken off my shoulders, I will always be the oldest son of my family, and that is a role I'm willing to fulfill. I understand that I can't change this role of mine, which is why I have to embrace it as much as I can. It doesn't change the fact that it is still hard to deal with all these responsibilities, but I have to endure and push through it for my family and siblings. But some days, like this one, I just wish I were the youngest daughter.

Summary: Today, we read the essay "Why I Want A Wife" and answered discussion questions about it. We also put together a 15-point list of "Why I Want A Husband" in contrast to the essay.

Reflection: I feel as if the gender roles and expectations we have had to fulfill in our family since birth shape us into the kind of person and partners we will be in our future relationship. And as much as we want to try and change these roles we have, the expectations of our roles will still be lingering in the deepest parts of our minds, like we've been hardwired to think a certain way since birth.